It’s Raf back to back!!!!!
Raf Roberts Harpenden Common ACGA 2022 Major Winner “nuff said”
Mike Woodstock
You know sometimes if you repeat a word or a phrase in rapid succession, after a while it becomes automated to the point where you lose sensation in the lips, tongue and face muscles. Try this one..
Roberts, Roberts, Roberts, Roberts, Robbers, Roberts, Roberts, Robots, Roberts, Roberts, Roberts, Rhubarb, Roberts, Roberts.
Now, if you ignore the deliberate but appropriate errors and just add up all the “Roberts”, you might get close to the number of ACGA events ‘Clan Roberts’ have won between them. Hold up - the total might even equate to the number Raf has won on his own.
40 points….that’s right 40 points.
RAF first came to my real attention some years back during a legendary golf excursion to Marbella. As you would expect, on the last round there was some serious “coin” to be made and preparing like a true Champion, the night before Raf (and others) notarised several bars eventually calling stumps just before dawn – about 4 hours before the 1st tee. With zero points after 4 holes Raf had a serious chat with himself – in the bushes – and came back transformed. He won the money and I came to the conclusion that the boy knew how to win.
Raf is a serial winner and despite some of his “unique” on course predilections there is no doubt his formula for success, successfully works for him. His consistency has to be admired and if the ACGA were a golf club, visitors observing the winners’ panels on the walls would all doff a cap at frequency in which the name “Raphael Robert” appears. Raf well done; despite the continual handicap cuts which, you understandably moan about, you continue to dig deep. Please let the rest of us know when you have hit the bottom so we can start feeling you’re not the only one to beat.
So, honourable mentions.
Cora Edwards. Never short of words, never shirks from a wager and with the personality of giant, Cora hit 39 points. 1 point on the back 9 would have resulted in a count back decision based on the last 3 or 6 holes.
Colin “Vadar” Parsons……….humph. As I write I’m having difficulty stopping my hands from shaking. They simply refuse to write what I’m thinking and really want to write. So, I’ll just say, well done Colin – no surprises that you continue to stalk the rostrum - 38 points.
And finally, Mayhe Bernard, (for all parents) laying a smack down on Bernard Jr by letting him know that Dad, despite bit’s falling off or not fully functional, still has it in him to rumble with the pack - 37 points.
Now golf aside – I want to talk about Blob’s and the post golf Blob collection – all done in the best possible taste. Now if you’re not in the winners circle and feel that your playing partner dragged you game down (big shout out to Ernie from me, Denise and Elaine…..I’m just saying) it’s always good to have some top class entertainment and comedic genius to cheer you up. Unfortunately, the ACGA does not have such a person so we rely on Steve Garner aka Grandmaster Blob and his new side kick “Notorious Parsons” to bring a smile to our faces. The blob collection is not only a worthwhile cause but, the emotional therapeutic benefits, whilst less obvious, are equally important. Again, I have to allow my alter ego to take over and have it say well done to Grandmaster B and Notorious.
Finally, I learned a few facts.
· “Course Record” gets dressed in the dark but, that being said, I hope he continues to do so. His shirt was memorising.
· Fear of Custard, Tomatoes and Cucumbers is real.
AS ever, I’ll allow my mentor Dan Dadda to close by sharing his thoughts of the event.
“Hail Woody, big shout out my yoot. Love and rispeck to all football massive - unless fe you team play in fiya red.
When me see di winner name, me have fe rub me two eye dem and put on put on me spectacle’s because it gwarn like me eye dem a lie to me. Me cyan believe it - Roberts’!! Again? Is like de bwoy just tek de handicap cut licks, dust arf himself, turn up, buss arse and tek fe unnu money. And you lot do what about it? Cut him backside again? Well dat nah work.
Like me say “de bowy just tek de handicap cut licks, dust arf himself, turn up, buss arse and tek fe unnu money. Is like a Tom Cruise movie. No sah….you need to bawl out a next plan. When de bwoy tell you fe move back 50 yards when him step pon de tee box…refuse. Eat crips when he’s putting and pump you fists if he thins a wedge. Now all of unnu who say “what – dat no right” me say, is it any less wrong a think bout it as opposed to actually doing it? De moral boundary has already been crossed. If dat still nah work fe you den……..give him a propper cut. De cut you Daddy give you Sunday after noon when ‘im wedge you head between ‘im knees and skiffle you neck back with clippers are when you mudder canerows you’ hair so tight you’ eyebrow dem one inch further up you’ forehead. Dat type of cut him nah recover from.
Rispeck….
Result
1st Raf Roberts 40pts
2nd Cora Edwards 39pts
3rd Colin Parson 38pts
4th Mayhe Bernard 37pts